Two Paths Diverge

 

by  David Pavek

It’s may be trite, and well worn, but the discussion of taking responsibility for your actions is still important. It’s important in so many ways. Mostly, if you care about yourself, and your self-worth, you should probably be prepared to take responsibility for yourself. We are not discussion, or really referring to, the worth you might have with money, cars or houses. Rather, we are discussing your moral worth.

Nathaniel Branden has commented upon this topic in his book Taking Responsibility. There, he writes, “if we did not have to make choices – if we couldn’t pursue many different goals by many different means – we would not need a code of morality. If our life and well-being did not depend on our making choices that are appropriate both to reality and to our own nature, we would not have to deal with questions like: by what values should I live my life? By what principles should I act? What should I seek and what should I avoid?”

Do you know the answers to these questions? Do you believe that you have the capacity to make appropriate choices? And, do you make these appropriate choices? We all make choices which lead to things which may be inappropriate, or not what we want. You may speed through a traffic light, just as it turns red, and get a ticket, or worse, get into a car accident. When that happens, will you, and do you, take responsibility? Do you blame the other driver for being “stupid” or the cop for doing his or her job?

Do you get upset at another driver? When you do, do you say rude and ugly things? Perhaps other people are in your car, and they hear you. Perhaps some of these people are children, or simply people who now think less of you for acting with such venom. If they ask you “why do you get so mad and swear”, do you take responsibility and admit that you over-react or do you blame the other driver for “making” you swear and be childish?

If you have sex, and there is a pregnancy, is there a connection between your conduct and your responsibility? Do you take responsibility? If so, what does that look like? Do you want the situation to only go the way you want, or are you open and understanding of the other person’s feelings and desires?

One way to answer these questions is to refer to your “code of morality”. This code is the basis by which you can make choices about decisions which confront you. In some people’s code, there is the notion that you should take responsibility, without putting blame on others for your conduct. The woman did not “cause” you to beat her. The child screaming did not cause you to shake them, to the point where they go to the hospital. The employer was no so cheap that they caused you to steal from them.

You are you own judge of your conduct. If you act, and then you judge that you are not responsible, then you will need to live with that decision. This is true for the other people in your life as well. Perhaps they disagree, and they see your “decision” that you are blameless and not accountable as something which is wrong headed, and made just to escape your need to come clean and account for your actions.

Of course, ultimately you need to decide if you, yourself, will accept the times when you don’t hold yourself accountable and responsible. If you can live with your decisions that it is always someone else’s fault, not yours, for the events in your life — broken relationships, bad grades, a lost job — then you will need to live with those decisions, and yourself, for making them.

Do you wake up and say to yourself, I am out of shape, overweight, drink too much, or smoke too much? Or perhaps as you toss and turn trying to sleep you wonder, how did I get into so much debt, or why doesn’t my sister talk to me anymore, or why do I get so upset at my in-laws house? Whatever place or condition you find yourself, and if you want to stay there, or change, you must first realize that you got yourself to that place. Taking responsibility is the first step to changing your habits, and accepting your role in your own life.