Two Paths Diverge

by David Pavek

David Hume once wrote,

“I shall further observe, that, since every new promise imposes a new obligation of morality on the person who promises, and since the new obligation arises from his will, it is one of the most mysterious and incomprehensible operations that can possibly be imaged, and may even be compared to transubstantiation or holy orders, where a certain form of words, along with a certain intention, changes entirely the nature of an external object, and even of a human creature.”

A Treatise of Human Nature

From this observation, we can discern that promises made, whether intending to do so, or not, create obligations. There are obvious examples of intending to make an obligation by a promise. Joining the military is a promise with an obligation, as is saying vows at a wedding. Having a baby is a promise to the newborn with a lifetime of promises, some known, many other unexpected.

Then, there are the many other shades of grey. Presidents of countries make promises, and mostly there appears to be no obligation. Friends make promises to meet you, to help you with something, or to call, and they do not. Did they intend to make an obligation to you when they made the promise? Or, rather, did you create the obligation in your mind when the “promise” was made, but you knew their words were empty and hollow.

When you were younger and made promises to your parents to be home by a certain time, not to drink, not to do all sorts of things, did you make an obligation owed to your parents? If so, did you know at the time you made the promise that you would not keep that promise? Now, if you have children, have you ever received such a promise from your children, and did you know that they never intended to keep those promises?

If you make a promise, do you intend to fulfill the words and intention you spoke or wrote? Do you believe that your words, when spoken as a promise, creates an obligation upon you? If you do believe this relationship between a promise and an obligation, how can you be released from the obligation. When you finally pay off a car loan or house loan, you are released.

Is it the same with promises? Once you fulfill your promise, you are released by the person to whom you made the promise? If you “promise” to write or call on your trip away from your family, and you do, are you then released from that obligation? Of course, there is the interesting relationship between those people who take promises, and vows, seriously, and others who take a more relaxed view that a promise isn’t all that big a deal.

It’s likely that we all have an inherent barometer of “promise seriousness”. There are some promises which carry legal and social weight, which, if broken, can be a source of a penalty for breaking that promise. For example, joining the military and leaving AWOL, or making wedding vows, and not meeting your obligations. For these serious promises, we know that there is an obligation, and we often intend to meet those obligations. We may meet them, or we may fail, but when a price of money or other consequences is demanded, we should not be surprised.

For those promises of less weight, less self-perceived seriousness, then we may often either not believe we have made a real commitment, a real obligation, or we live our lives in a manner whereby not keeping to that promise doesn’t seem to faze us in a negative way. Promising to help a friend move from one house to another, promising to take your mother to the airport, promising not to tell a co-worker how someone else got too drunk and kissed someone they would not ordinarily kiss – all of these could be considered as less “serious” promises. From the “smallest” promise, to the “largest” people have to decide when do they feel the tug, the real need, to meet their obligations.

The spectrum, like society, is broad. There are people who believe, and live their lives that a “promise made is a promise kept” and they will honor every word they state, from the small to the large. There are others, who don’t feel they need to be accountable for any obligation, except for the largest and most important, and even then with regret, or refusal.

Where do you fall into this spectrum? Where would you like to be in the spectrum. Do you want to be someone who other people know and expect to be accountable and reliable, and meet the obligations they have made? Or do you want to be considered less formal, and not accountable, leaving wiggle room for your desires of the moment?